How to Recognize your Fears and Deal With Them

February 2, 2012 · 9 comments

Fear is the most prevalent factor that hinders people from taking the actions they need to take in order to succeed. Two of the most common fears among people all over the world are fear of failure and fear of success. Let’s examine those fears and see what you can do to eliminate them from your life.

What are the Common Fears?

Fear has a purpose, and the good type of fear is valuable to us because it serves us as a protective shield. Healthy fear prevent us from harming ourselves. However, uncontrolled fears, the one that are NOT serving us, but rather handicapping us, will prevent us from taking actions that would help us move forward to reach our goals. Fear can be so sneaky that it can also disguise itself in such ways that you won’t recognize it as fear.

So, what are the negative fears that don’t serve you? There are many, but here are the principal ones.

Fear of failure
Fear of success
Fear of being criticized
Fear of being alone
Fear of getting old
Fear of getting sick
Fear of losing someone
Fear of death

Just about any human being on this planet is suffering from one or more of such fears. In this article we are going to analyze two fears that are preventing you from succeeding which are fear of failure and fear of success.

None of us were born with the negative fears that we carry around. Those fears were learned. The good side of this is that what has been learned can be unlearned, so let’s see how.

When did our Fears come into Play?

If you’d watch babies between the 6 months to two years of age, there are not many things they are fearful of. As the baby starts walking, he courageously tries to stand on his two little legs and takes his first steps. Sure enough he falls to the ground and gets back up right away and tries walking again.

You, on the other hand, you are starting to get nervous and you want to help your baby by holding him or placing him in a baby walker. However, your baby wants none of that; he is crying and screaming to be let go to try on his own again. Have you ever wonder why is that? It’s because your baby has no fear. Only you do!

Why do Babies have no Fear?

Most of our fears, the ones that are not the natural protective fears, are learned as we grow up. Before your baby learns any of that stuff he has no reason to fear the natural process of learning how to walk; even if it’s going to cost him a few falls. Even if the baby scratches his knees or hands a bit in the process, he will still get up and try again as soon as he’s able to.

If babies had the same fears we carry around every day, they would never learn how to walk, would they?

The fear of falling, the fear of hurting ourselves, the fear of breaking a leg, the fear of scratching our skin, etc… would totally prevent us from learning how to walk. Therefore, we would put it off, somehow. We call this procrastination.

Where do our Fears Come From?

As I mentioned above, most of our fears are learned. You were not born with most of the fears that you carry around today. Our fears a learned from our parents, from the society we grew up and live in and other external factors.

Since most of those fears were embedded in our mind before we reached the age of 7 years old, no wonder that they are not only hard to extract from our mind, but in many cases even hard to even recognize at all. This is why the best and easiest way to find out what type of fears are affecting you is by watching your actions or the lack of it in regards to any specific situation.

How to Recognize the Fear of Failure and the Fear of Success

Two of the most prevalent fears that are responsible for people not succeeding in life are fear of failure and fear of success.

If people would only recognize that they have fear of failure or fear of success, they would be able to take the necessary steps to overcome them. However, when you are not even aware that you have such fears there is nothing you can or will do – it’s like having a disease but not having been diagnosed with it.

The first step to heal from anything is first knowing that you are being affected by it. So, how can you recognize that you have fear of failure or fear of success?

Fear of Failure

I personally know two very talented people for whom fear of failure was key in preventing them from achieving the success they would have had achieved if such fear had not been in the picture.

Fears of failure will show its ugly head by preventing you to start a new business, quite that job that you hate, or take the next step you need to take to increase your income. What the fear of failure does is bring to mind ONLY the possibly negative outcomes that may come up. You are like that baby that would never try to walk because all he sees are the falls and scratches.

Fear of Success

The fear of success is very similar to the fear of failure, except that it can be even sneakier. People who have fear of success are afraid to make people around them jealous and lose their friendships. They are afraid of being criticized. They are afraid of the unknown, and when you have never been successful, success is “unknown” to you.

The fear of success translates in having all kind of negative ideas about LOSS. Such loss, of course is totally imagined and made up in our own mind; it’s produced by the unhealthy fear of success.

How to Get Rid of Both Fear of Failure and Fear of Success

Do you remember when you used to tell your mother that there was a monster under your bed? You mother (or father) may have kneeled down and look under the bed and tell you, no, honey; there is nothing under the bed!

Basically, this is what you need to do with your fear of failure and fear of success once you have recognized that you have one or maybe even both of them.

Look in there and see if that monster is really there or if you are just making it up! Remember that whatever negative scenario you are imagining in your head is just that – a made up story that doesn’t even exist – A pure product of your imagination.

We are masters at imagine the worse. We do that all the time. The best remedy to stop creating bad images due to our fear of failure and success is called “decision”. Just make the decision that you won’t believe any of the negative stories that come up to you mind. Then, make the conscious “decision” to see ONLY positive outcome.

This may take some getting used to and practice, but if you persist, overtime, you will be able to eliminate your fear of failure and fear of success for good.